For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed a lack of updates over the last month or two. It's not just because I think social media is a cesspool. It's actually because I got shadowbanned for jokingly criticising WhatCulture for one of their shitty "Top 10" articles they do all the time.

But it got me thinking... if I don't like their top 10s... I should do my own! This is the Top 10 MILFs I'd Let Spit In My Mouth:

I love Switching Goals. Not just because it stars the greatest human beings alive (Mary-Kate and Ashley). But because I actually used to play soccer in elementary school, so it kinda makes me flash back to that. I mean, I only played goalie but I was good at it.

Check out my review of Mary-Kate and Ashley's Switching Goals here:

In my opinion, Running With Scissors is one of Weird Al's best albums. Shove a pair of safety scissors in your eyes and check out my review here:

Growing up, my big pro wrestling crush was Lita… and Stephanie McMahon… and Trish Stratus… and Chyna… but as time went on, new girls started entering the mix. One of which became my defining crush for 2006: Ashley Massaro. Which is why she has become the first inductee into the Human Raccoon Hall of Fame.

It's party time! But sadly, this is a Mary-Kate and Ashleyless party. It's a Mario Party! Check out my review of the first Mario Party game (and the minigames!) here:

Robin Williams is playing against type in this movie... mainly because he's playing a guy who's still alive. This is my review of One Hour Photo! Read it here:

When I think about the Gameboy Advance iteration of Tony Hawk's Underground 2, I remember this boy who was hanging out at my grandparent's house on my birthday who lost his shit when he found out Bucky Lasek was in the game... mainly because he had heard his name on TV like a week prior.

Check out the review here:

Miley Cyrus has released an all-new EP called "She Is Coming."

All of Miley's diehard fans are poisoned by the Miley Virus. When she announced She Is Coming, everyone was like "yaaaas queen! Release it all over my face!"

Check out my review of it here:

One of the all time classics, The Terminator, got my Review Balls rubbed across it's face. Read it here:

Every child has a mentally unhealthy obsession with something. For me growing up, it was always Digimon. Here's my review of the first episode ever:

Did you know if you break a baby's bones, it might make the parent of said child let out a shriek akin to Baby Godzilla?

That's what I learned while watching the Steve Wilkos show.

Kickflip a skateboard into an old woman's teeth with Tony Hawk's Pro Skater! Check out my review here:

Let's head back to McDonald's and boot up their Nintendo 64 kiosk! This is a look back at Tigger's Honey Hunt:

I love Christian Slater. He's one of my favorite actors. Which is the only reason I have ever watched this heterosexual vaginal secretion called Bed of Roses. Check out my review here:

Ross impregnated a lesbian. He's a living Eminem lyric.

Let's dive into S01E02 of Friends. This is Sonogram:

X-Men movies suck. Months before this webzine launched I marathoned all of them in a row and I actually couldn't believe the sheer lack of continuity in them. It was maddening. I've seen pro wrestling angles with more care to detail. But maybe this one will be different because Wolverine is in a concenration camp.

If only the writers had concentrated on giving a shit about the script writing.

Check out Human Raccoon's review of The Wolverine here:

Do you believe in the heart of the cards? Well, you shouldn't. It's imaginary. But I believe in Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: The Soundtrack. So strap in for this long adventure through reviewing the entire CD:

In looking up those old Chevy: Like a Rock commercials, I discovered a subculture I had no idea existed: Internet Truck Culture. Read all about it here:

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WNS is unhooked.